how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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