I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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