Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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