i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
