I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
one two three fourrrrnication!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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