Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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