He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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