just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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