fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
