It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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