Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
