dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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