Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
whose parrot is this?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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