Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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