If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
