My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
