'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
