For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
