I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
