Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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