I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
