if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
