Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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