i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
