Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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