dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize