do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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