We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
