We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
