My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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