My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
