I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
