Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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