isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
