he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
