it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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