there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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