Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This is the high leading the old right now
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
