im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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