i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
my poor anus
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
