Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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