I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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