i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
