I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
