just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize