the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
