Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
