We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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