It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
