Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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