what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You are the jesus of drinking
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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