Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
