Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
