I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
