But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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