did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
