So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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