I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
