I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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