So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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