Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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