He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
