you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
