I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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