she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
