He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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