he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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