We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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